The Social Conscience Episode

I’ve been thinking for a while that this web log feels a bit – how should I put it? – grumpy? Negative? Bashing this, complaining about that, sardonically humiliating the other thing is entertaining – and enormously cathartic, believe me – but saltandcarbon has been in existence for long enough that the time has come to give back to the community.

I’m not one for grand gestures (a la gala ball), or jumping on the bandwagon for organized community wide initiatives (although Movember warms the cockles of my usually-stone-cold-heart every time).

Instead I’m going in to bat for a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of ordinary Australians every year – a secret killer, a little addressed scourge in desperate need of a higher profile.

Make no mistake; this blog post is just the start of my campaign. Posters, advertisements in print and radio, T-shirts and door knocking, I plan on going all out to give back to the society I love and treasure.

But let me get to some statistics:
An estimated public health bill (primarily from psychiatric care) in the billions.
86% of Australians suffering related trauma before the age of 16.
Profiteering pirates raking in over 6.5 million dollars a year.

The list goes on.

White Linen Pants must be stopped.

The vision of flesh coloured underwear vainly trying to remain inconspicuous under the translucent billowing of tailored white linen is enough to induce stroke. Desperation to make the horror stop induces suicidal tendencies in the most balanced and affable individuals. Liberace is veritably demure when compared to the eyesore – nay, violent offence – that is the WLP.

But there is a cure. Simple and, unbelievably, free. All we need as a society to banish this affliction to the curios of history is a collective, concerted effort. I urge everyone to join me in saving aesthetic decency and avoiding any more unnecessary spontaneous hemorrhaging.

Every time you witness the WLP, follow these four safe, simple steps.

1. Stop dead.

2. Point dramatically with one hand, cover the mouth in an expression of repulsion with the other.

3. Hold.

4. Keep holding – be strong – until the offending WLP clad creature has scurried back to whence they came.

Together, we CAN make a difference.
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