Intractable answers to life's simple questions.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Sour Cinema


I’ve been lucky enough lately to score some gigs writing for Australia’s best (and second biggest, circulation-wise) movie magazine Filmink. Yay for me. Among some feature articles and interviews I’ve had the supremely awesome task of watching movies on preview and writing what I think about them. Since there’s practically nothing I’d rather do than watch movies and I have an opinion on everything, this is pretty close to that magical, mystical land of loving work. McLovin’ work.

So anyways, one of the preview discs popping its silvery, binary, plasticy length through my letterbox recently was the Palestinian/Israeli drama Lemon Tree. I watched, I scribbled, I opinioned, and I cobbled together the rough shape of a review. When I write, (allow me to digress again), when I write I make a few notes, undoubtedly indecipherable to anyone else, and then I walk away. I wait and see what sticks with me – ideas or films or gripes – and roll it all around in my head until I see the angle open up. If I can’t shake an image, a phrase or a theme, that’s the point through which I approaching the subject. What resonates. What inflames. What connects me and allows more than a cursory glance.

Blah blah blah. The point is that in the few days between my hurried notes and the angle emerging I was diverted to working on a more pressing article for the mag, and by the time I came back to it, the review had been handballed to another willing writer. All, good – I ended up with both an excuse to watch a movie and a feature article. I’d forgotten about it, moved on, adios West Bank muchacos.

That was until about a week ago, when the film got its general cinema release. Tom Ryan from The Age, David Stratton and Margaret Pomerantz from At The Movies, and a host of other mainstream media gave this dreary and uninspiring offering four stars. Out of five. A high distinction. A film in the top 20 percent released on the general public. Uh, no. It isn’t. Not by a long fucking way.

To set the record straight and even up the ledger, what follows is my review of the film. Enjoy.


Based on a true story, Israeli-Palestinian co-production Lemon Tree has at its heart the noble if naive ideas that we must make a stand for what we love and that compassion has the possibility of crossing cultural divides. If that sounds like a twee lens through which to see the Middle East, it is.

There are some charming performances and engaging moments, but the whole experience is a bit…cold. The symbolism of the eponymous lemon tree is dreadfully laboured. Even the most casual observer of world affairs would realise that some situations are beyond such simplified metaphor, and not a useful lens through which to view the conflict. But not only is the land of the Arab Israeli conflict rendered simplistic – worse, in cinematic terms, it is made mundane.

It is a cruel shame that the acting talent obvious here is applied to a loaded and emotive subject with so little filmmaking subtlety. Nostalgia is shown by the tearful fingering of the outline of a face on a computer screen. Deep secrets are unearthed when Polaroids are discovered conveniently left lying around on an office desk. It becomes obvious that the creative impetus behind this film is far too invested in the sentimentality of the message the film aims at than the crafting of a compelling journey. Unfortunately, it seems most reviewers will steer audiences down a frustratingly fruitless path as victims of the same sentimentality. I’m all for resolution to the devastating West Bank conflict, and agree with the spirit of Lemon Tree that the way forward is likely to come from the grass roots – between neighbours and shop owners and unlikely personal empathy. But please, don’t see this movie. Opposite to the fruit at the centre of the story, Lemon Tree has a sweet start and a bitter aftertaste.

2 / 5

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The End of the War


I hereby present my Extensively Researched Irrefutable Reasoning of the Superiority of PCs over Macs.

The drummer from Def Leppard – a beacon of hope and inspiration for maimed and disabled creative geniuses everywhere – could not use a Mac. Or at least not a Mac mouse. There is no way that the one-armed percussion juggernaught could possibly respond to his kilobytes of fan-email, cut and paste live action snaps for the Revival Tour promotional material, or complete his personal tax return online without the benefit of the right mouse key.

Apple-key plus single-button click? Puhlease.

And those talking head ads with the kid from Third Rock were amusing for about half a second, but can anyone at Apple say “dead horse”?

So kids, save yourself a few pennies and support limbless technophiles everywhere. Say NO to the sexy little milky white knobule. Say YES to the ugly grey rock with two buttons.

Monday, July 7, 2008

And speaking of...


And speaking of words that conjure drastically inappropriate and unrelated images...

"FLANGE"

Sounds like a calcified vagina to me...

Monday, June 30, 2008

Big Brother revealed


So I think I've finally nailed what is behind my uncharacteristic and admittedly perverse enjoyment of the low-brow bile-fest that is Big Brother.


The way people on the show behave when the cracks in their glossy forced relationships begin to show and the whole fabric begins to unravel, when they are at their basest - even accounting for the fact that the tensions are mostly imposed and the rifts mostly constructed - that behaviour validates and confirms my inherent cynicism about the world. Beneath all their gloss and polish, most people are repulsive, albeit entertaining.


Don't get me wrong. I spend most of my time trying to overcome this pessimism and make the most of life. But every now and again the wry and bleak heart of me needs to be indulged. Enter Big Brother. Quiet the soul. Return to making an effort with the world. Simple.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Memo to all office workers enamored of catching public transport in trainers


You look like fucking morons.


I should qualify that I am in no way shape or form against wearing more comfortable shoes for the commute - slip ons or sneakers or flats of some description. I'm sure small mercies are the only thing keeping you from going completely postal as you grind out shitty sameish day after day in recycled office air. You got a few blocks to leg it each day, your footsies get sore in patent leather.

Cool. I get it.

But hi-tech scientifically calibrated cross country running shoes are complete fucking overkill. I have owned running shoes and am firmly of the opinion that they are ridiculously impractical footwear for everything except said sporting activity. Not to mention the fluorescently white plastic/mesh poking out from under a snappy tailored new wool suit looks like dress-yourself day at the special school.

Actually, lets face it. That earlier ramble about trainers being unsuitable footwear was a smokescreen. You could wear concrete heels studded with razorblades for all I care. But for the love of god it is a crime against fashion and general decency to pair weekend activity-wear with button-down week wear. Seriously, it looks nothing short of retarded. I don't like thinking that insurance is brokered and stocks are traded and orders processed and deals made by people who could see themselves in the mirror and find that look acceptable.

So stop it. All of you. There is a whole section of the shoe department dedicated to "casual". Please go and check it out. Or at least start running to work so there is a point to all this shameless eyesore. Honestly, who throws a shoe...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Judges uphold 'right to bear arms'


American mayors and legislators are closely studying a Supreme Court ruling today that clarifies the constitutional right of an individual to have a gun and may make many cities' gun control efforts invalid.
The 5-4 landmark ruling is the first time the Supreme Court has clarified what the second amendment means. The majority concluded that the "right to bear arms" extends to the individual, not just the rights of states to maintain militias, like state guards and police forces.


I don't even know where to start with this one.

The frustrated cynic in me says "Fuck 'em. If their educated leaders are this retarded about it all, let them shoot each other on the streets."

The frustrated optimist in me says "At least they're looking at it - maybe this will make the whole issue clearer and everyone can move forward. Or maybe people really can be trusted to look after themselves and deserve the right to do what they see fit."

Then the frustrated cynic in me punches the frustrated optimist in the throat and screams "Wake up to yourself!"

Yeah, the cynic is right. As usual.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Australia and Zimbabwe Test

Jane McGrath did so much to raise awareness of breast cancer and provide financial and institutional support for the people who work to treat it. She conducted herself with grace and dignity. Her death is sad and newsworthy.
But I am fucking disgusted - no, outraged - that her passing is the front page news item on every major newspaper and news website when an entire country is on the brink of collapse and wholesale genocide. The leader of the opposition in Zimbabwe, Morgan Tsvangirai, withdrew from the run-off election race because of escalating violence, persecution and blatant corruption by the tyrannical Robert Mugabe's ruling regime. According to Tsvangirai 82 of his party's officials and sympathisers have been murdered and thousands in hiding or displaced since his party legitimately outright won the elections in late March but were robbed and bullied of that victory by vote-rigging by Mugabe who manufactured a result the would require a run-on election, giving him enough time to orchestrate the reign of terror he has exacted on his opposition.

Tsvangirai has lead this party through from one wave of violence to the next hoping that if he got close enough to a win within the national system, the rest of the world would finally pull its complacent thumb out of its ass and back him. He got so close as to have actually won election, but still the international community sits on its big grubby hands. No oil, no gold, no bother. How could a man continue in the face of such abuse of his supporters and brutal global apathy?Tsvangirai is saving the lives of his supporters by backing down because the lives that have been lost in support of him and his party have literally been in vain. Mugabe is the new Hitler, and we are herding people onto the trains.

Today I am disgusted to be a human being. And I'm disgusted to be Australian.