The one where we turn that frown upside down

Feeling beige? Need some colour? Thinking of trying to sniff that eon's old bottle of Clag just in the hope of feeling something new?

This should flush your cheeks with freshly oxygenated blood!

I present to you, dear cyberspace, the full, unexpurgated, verbatim Mis-Sent Booty Call Text Message.

Drum roll, please...

Hi! baby gal its u boi T,

bn missn u lately + wana make lov 2 u wif oil massage al ova ur body,

jst u n me,

am tnkn bout u wif me unda da blnkt.

Am also holdn ma dick tnkn dat he shud b slipin through u're sweet thais

n 2 u're pretty tight, juicy blak pussy ud u "sayn

baby T want u evry nite on bed wif me makn me cum few tyms n say u're name

+ dat u lov me so mach.

lol

ey naw i @list snd u sam nasty jok dat u wana it?

Holla sxc

I hemorrhaged. Then I had conniptions. Not just because of the crassness and complete lack of subtlety, somewhat resembling a caveman slaughtering a polar bear and affixing the jaws to his crotch in an infantile display of breeding superiority. Not just because of the gob-smackingly atrocious spelling and grammar, or the collections of letters I just flat out don't understand ("sam nasty jok dat u wana it?" Where is the question there?! Who is Sam?! What the fuck is "wana it"?).

No. All that pales in comparison to the startling fact that some educationally stunted man-whore sent this cringeworthy tome to the wrong fucking number. I needn't point out - although I will for clarity's sake - that the eponymous T of the message was NOT me, a hysterical coincidence of names though it is. This message was sent after midnight on a Saturday night only to arrive at the phone of a young lady who didn't recognise the number and does not now - nor ever has had - a blak pussy. Too bad for our hero T-boi, who may have felt rejected by the lack of reply and had to go home to finish his horny self off, all because of his incorrect digiting.

Although I can't imagine T's chances would have been significantly increased had he keyed in the correct number for his "baby gal".

Or maybe the chump would've got laid. Who knows. I just don't understand the kids today. But ridicule?

You bet I can drop that boi.